Journal Stories From The 2000's

L.U. No. 230 Victoria, B.C.
Editor:

Linemen in both utility companies of British Columbia are working short time. Following this is an announcement by the phone company of their highly prosperous condition which can partly be accounted for in the saving of wages of linemen and the dispensing of the services of a great number of operators through the use of the dial system which makes possible new short cuts to wealth for the wealthy shareholders.

My dignity has been so much ruffled of late by the jibes and sneers of the mighty nimrods among my Brothers, who assert that I am a “no account” hunter, that I have worked out the following hunting plan with which to reduce them to abject humility:

I shall provide myself with a large saucer full of chalk and water which is manufactured by the milk chemists of our fair province, and I shall proceed to the edge of the nearest forest, and there place the said saucer in a prominent position. Then, putting into my voice that pleading inflection which our business agent, Brother Reid, uses so successfully, when endeavoring to extract without pain back dues from a delinquent Brother, I shall call calmly, but firmly, “Poosie! Pooosie! P-o-o-osie!” Then from out of the deep, dark woods will come one of those great, green-eyed, glorified cross-eyed tomcats which nature has created expressly for the prevention of overproduction of livestock among the farmers and thus limiting their wealth so that they may not become obnoxious to poor city dwellers. Approaching me, Thomas will observe the saucer and partake of its contents, after which I will take a piece of string loop one end around his neck and the other around my wrist and say, “Follow me, Thomas!” The great creature overcome by my dominant manner will follow meekly in my footsteps. As we proceed, increasing numbers of people will be attracted by the amazing spectacle, and by the time we reach the main artery of the city the street will be blocked by a dense mass of wildly cheering humanity, leaving only a narrow lane for me to walk through. Batteries of movie cameras will be madly cranked by their astonished operators. From nearby balconies beautiful ladies will throw flowers down upon me, but like the old Roman emperor returning from a successful war with his captives bound to his chariot wheels, I will move proudly on, while voices from the crowd shout, “Sufferin’ cats! See what Shappie’s got!” With my manly bosom thrust out like a pouter pigeon, I will direct my steps to the police station and request one of the blue coats to humanely chloroform the thrusting Thomas with a sawed off shot gun. This being done, I will drape the remains around my person and like a Greek gladiator clad in a lion skin, I will stroll nonchalantly to the government offices, and there demand full bounty from a bountiful government for the remains. Soon the evening sky will be lit up by blazing signs at all the leading theatres, announcing, “COME AND SEE THE MOST EXTRAORDINAIRY ANIMAL PICTURE OF THE CENTURY, SHOWING THE CONTROL OF MIND OVER MATTER, BY THE CELEBRATED LION TAMER, PROFESSOR WOTTAWOW.”

With the proceeds of the bounty, added to the royalties from the moving pictures, I shall be as far removed from penury as a millionaire is from charity.

Shappy.



	Published in February 1932 - I.B.E.W. Journal L.U. No. 230 Victoria, B.C. Editor: Linemen in both utility companies of British Columbia are working short time. Following this is an announcement by the phone company of their highly prosperous condition which can partly be accounted for in the saving of wages of linemen and the dispensing of the services of a great number of operators through the use of the dial system which makes possible new short cuts to wealth for the wealthy shareholders. My dignity has been so much ruffled of late by the jibes and sneers of the mighty nimrods among my Brothers, who assert that I am a “no account” hunter, that I have worked out the following hunting plan with which to reduce them to abject humility: I shall provide myself with a large saucer full of chalk and water which is manufactured by the milk chemists of our fair province, and I shall proceed to the edge of the nearest forest, and there place the said saucer in a prominent position. Then, putting into my voice that pleading inflection which our business agent, Brother Reid, uses so successfully, when endeavoring to extract without pain back dues from a delinquent Brother, I shall call calmly, but firmly, “Poosie! Pooosie! P-o-o-osie!” Then from out of the deep, dark woods will come one of those great, green-eyed, glorified cross-eyed tomcats which nature has created expressly for the prevention of overproduction of livestock among the farmers and thus limiting their wealth so that they may not become obnoxious to poor city dwellers. Approaching me, Thomas will observe the saucer and partake of its contents, after which I will take a piece of string loop one end around his neck and the other around my wrist and say, “Follow me, Thomas!” The great creature overcome by my dominant manner will follow meekly in my footsteps. As we proceed, increasing numbers of people will be attracted by the amazing spectacle, and by the time we reach the main artery of the city the street will be blocked by a dense mass of wildly cheering humanity, leaving only a narrow lane for me to walk through. Batteries of movie cameras will be madly cranked by their astonished operators. From nearby balconies beautiful ladies will throw flowers down upon me, but like the old Roman emperor returning from a successful war with his captives bound to his chariot wheels, I will move proudly on, while voices from the crowd shout, “Sufferin’ cats! See what Shappie’s got!” With my manly bosom thrust out like a pouter pigeon, I will direct my steps to the police station and request one of the blue coats to humanely chloroform the thrusting Thomas with a sawed off shot gun. This being done, I will drape the remains around my person and like a Greek gladiator clad in a lion skin, I will stroll nonchalantly to the government offices, and there demand full bounty from a bountiful government for the remains. Soon the evening sky will be lit up by blazing signs at all the leading theatres, announcing, “COME AND SEE THE MOST EXTRAORDINAIRY ANIMAL PICTURE OF THE CENTURY, SHOWING THE CONTROL OF MIND OVER MATTER, BY THE CELEBRATED LION TAMER, PROFESSOR WOTTAWOW.” With the proceeds of the bounty, added to the royalties from the moving pictures, I shall be as far removed from penury as a millionaire is from charity. Shappy.